I started writing this advice for my daughters out of worry and frustration. I saw some things in one of my daughter’s relationships that caused me great concern. As a mom, we never feel like we have done enough, taught enough or did good enough.
So, this was/is my way of telling my daughters or to help someone else’s daughter understand that selfishness doesn’t belong in a loving and healthy relationship. This advice applies to anyone in a relationship regardless of gender.
This post contains affiliate links. I include these links for your convenience. I earn a small commission for the referral, but your price remains the same.
Being selfless is a wonderful quality in a person. To be willing to sacrifice things you want for someone else and what they want or need.
Selfishness, on the other hand, gives no thought for anyone else; their wants or their needs. There is power in always getting what you want. He likely feels superior and entitled, because of his selfishness and expects to always get his way.
Also, don’t confuse selflessness with someone who is a people pleaser. People pleasers have a tendency to neglect themselves in order to make everyone else happy. Being selfless when neglecting themselves and possibly those they love, by putting themselves last, isn’t really being selfless.
This type of person may end up with or already have a martyr complex. They often worry, unnecessarily, about what people think of them and have high anxiety from worrying about everyone else. Becoming ruled by how to make others happy and pleased with them.
Does he make sacrifices for you?
Sacrifices happen in relationships. They come from compromising and wanting to make your partner happy. In healthy relationships, there is a balance between the two of you and each gives and takes in turn. It is more in the a spirit of cooperation, rather than compromise,where relationships flourish. How are we going to work together, rather than what I can get from you. Wanting to make things beneficial for both of you.
Whereas, in unhealthy relationships one is doing most of the giving (or sacrificing) while the other does all the taking. There is a lot of selfishness that takes place when one is looking out for themselves more than their partner and children.
Watch out for equalizing unequal situations. For example: watching a movie the other wanted to see and you didn’t or eating somewhere you don’t like; it is a sacrifice, but not as big a sacrifice as giving up time with family or friends, in order to do what he or she wants.
Does he make small sacrifices and when something big comes up does he use what he did, that was small, and claims it is your turn to give in?
Compromise vs Cooperation
While I believe there has to be some compromise in relationships, cooperation is a more win/win attitude.
We went to where you like to eat last time and so now you have to come to my family event or do what I want.
Is he willing to compromise?
Are you always making big sacrifices for him? Giving up things you want to do or giving up being with friends or family for him.
Does he equalize unequal sacrifices?
Do you “owe him” because he has been or is such a good guy?
How entitled is he? What does he think he deserves and is it at the expense of others or without a thought to anyone else?
Is he critical of things you enjoy and want to do? Does he ask you to stop or discourage you from doing those things?
What does he say about your family and friends? Does he say one thing to them and different things to you?
Is he jealous when you spend time with or talk to someone else?
Does he ask you to not talk to friends or family or to not see them?
Is he selfish? Is he jealous?
Are your needs and wants as important to him as his own needs and wants? If they are not, this is a huge warning sign. Heed that warning sign and examine your relationship to see if there are others you have minimized or not seen.
My Advice:
Be with a man who is generous and giving. A man who cares about you and how you feel, your wishes and what is important to you.
Beware of selfish men. Don’t expect them to change. Selfish people care about one person and that person is always themselves. Unfortunately, having children doesn’t help to make them more selfless. It is unfortunate, but a trait to watch out for in your partner.
What do you think about selfishness and selflessness in relationships?
Have you had experience with selfishness or selflessness in your relationships? How did it help or hurt? What other advice would you give about this subject?
On our road trip we spent a day in the Portland, Oregon area, including some time at Multnomah Falls. We have been to this area many times over the years and always include time here, when we can.
We have had trips many different times of the year, but this is the first trip to the area in August that we have taken. We couldn’t believe how crazy, busy it all was! We have never seen it like this!
Parking at Multnomah Falls
Parking was crazy! We ended up parking in the area for Wahkeena Falls. It is about 1/4 a mile from the Multnomah Falls Lodge.
There is a small road by where the cars are parked, opposite of the falls, that leads to more parking, a restroom, and a picnic area.
From Wahkeena falls there is a trail that will take you to the Multnomah Falls visitor center. There is another waterfall area on the other side of Mulnomah with parking as well, but it seemed much farther away and I don’t remember the name.
On our way home, we saw that there were areas for parking and taking a shuttle. It would be a better way to go when the parking is so difficult.
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links. I include these links for your convenience. I earn a
small commission for the referral, but your price remains the
same.
Multnomah Falls Lodge
At Multnomah Falls Lodge you can find food, bathrooms and a gift shop. The restaurant at the lodge does take reservations, it is a good idea to check for reservation information when you have your trip details in order.
If you want just a snack and something more low key, there is a food cart outside the lodge.
We have hiked the falls once, but didn’t have time on this trip. We had planned to at least hike up to the bridge, but the crowds were so large we decided to forgo that, this time, as well.
Off to Portland
We had big plans in Portland and didn’t want to eat at the falls, because of those plans. We also aren’t big on crowds, so we didn’t stay very long at the falls.
Needing to eat gluten free, Portland is a wonderful place to go! We had been to Corbett’s Fish House on Hawthorne the last time we were in Portland and have been looking forward to going there again, ever since! Lunch was a little later than we were hoping for, after the long time it took to park, at Multnomah.
When we saw Calamari was on the menu, we had to try it! It was surprisingly good. (I am not a big fish eater and so even the fact I want fish and chips is huge!) My daughter was a little freaked out by the calamari and was determined to try it. She had to psych herself up by saying things like: “I am a mermaid. I can do this. I eat things like this. I am a mermaid.” I think she ended up eating two of the little, crunchy, octopus things.
We were hoping to check a new place out (new to us, anyway), but when it was time to leave Portland and head for our hotel no one was hungry!
Powell’s Books- Portland
This was a Pinterest find my daughter ran across. As a homeschool family, we love books! So, finding that Portland has the “World’s Largest Independent Book Store” and that it is also called “Powell’s City of Books“, we had to include it in our trip!
It was amazing and we are so glad we made the stop! The family is already talking about making this a permanent stop anytime we go through Portland! In fact, we may have to go through Portland regardless of whether we “need” to or not!
The bookstore
Powell’s is an entire city block, store! It has 3 levels and you need a map to get around. There are 9 color-coded rooms!!! You can take a tour of the bookstore, if you are there on a Sunday, but make sure you plan for the 45 minutes that will take. (First come, first serve)
Our homeschool is showing
We had two of our daughters on vacation with us. Our 21 year old who is studying to be a concert pianist and our 17 year old, high school senior.
The 21 year old spent ALL of her time in the music section of the store, gushing over 100+ year books and more. She ended up with 6 books!
Our 17 year old, spent a lot of time in the language section of the store. She picked out 5 books, covering 3 different languages, that she is working on learning. However, she did explore the store more than anyone else.
We also picked up a criminology book for another daughter who is a writer and didn’t go on the trip with us.
Prices were great and with all those books we still spent less than $50!
Conclusion of our day at Multnomah and in Portland
For a quick trip, we packed in a lot of our must dos and we are so glad we didn’t skip either one of these places. It would have been easy to just say, “let’s do it next time!” Now, we know we have to go back to Powell’s!
Maybe next time we can find a new food place. Portland has several all gluten free places to eat. It is so much fun to go somewhere and know that you can eat anything on the menu, safely! No one wants to get sick, but especially on vacation!
Food place on my list to try is Cultured Caveman! (Evidently, they also have a food cart!)
There are many types of flours. Basically, if something can be ground down, it can be a flour. Flour can be made from practically anything! For those with celiac disease or gluten intolerance, it is important to know which different varieties of flour are made from gluten. You can’t avoid what you don’t know to avoid.
Know the Variations
There are many gluten grain/wheat-derived strains of grains with names other than wheat, rye or barley. Here is a list of some of these gluten grains (not complete). With so many names for wheat or other gluten grains in order to stay healthy it is important to learn about them.
Kamut
Bulgur
Triticale
Spelt
Bran
Couscous
Farina
Orzo
Wheaten Corn flour
Frumento
Duram or Durum
Einkorn
Seitan
Matzoh/Matzah/Matzo
Graham VS Gram
So, What about Graham and Gram flour? They are pronounced the same, but unlike some of the variations in the list above, they are not even close to being the same or similar in their properties. This is unlike duram and durum or Matzoh, Matzah or Matzo which are all the same types of flour, just variations in spelling.
However, in the case of Matzoh, Matzah and Matzo, they can be wheat, rye, barley and/or oats. The oat variety can be safe if the only flour is oat and is made with purity protocol oats.
So, the short of it is, graham is derived from wheat grains and gram is not.
This post contains affiliate links. I include these links for your convenience to be able to find similar items to what I am using. I earn a small commission for the referral, but your price remains the same.
What is Graham?
Graham is literally a whole wheat flour! The inventor of Graham flour was Sylvester Graham who thought that refining flour was unhealthy. More is ground into graham flour than the more traditional flours we use.This results in a coarser, darker flour.
Winter wheat endosperm is ground down and added to the wheat grains that are also ground down. The endosperm creates starch and nutrients in tissue of the seeds. This combination of bran and germ is what makes graham flour different than wheat flour. It is brown in color with a nutty flavor.
Graham Crackers are made from this flour and are also a creation from Sylvester Graham.
What is Gram?
Gram on the other hand is a gluten free flour! It is made from chickpeas, also known as garbanzo beans. They are a part of the legume family.
This flour is mostly used in cooking Indian foods. It grows just like peas in pods. They are pale yellow in color. Some variations in the name are: besan, chana, cici, chickpea or hummus.
Gram flour is high in protein, fiber and carbohydrates. It also has a nutty flavor to it.
***If it is milledin a mill that does wheat flour the chances of contamination with gluten is high. Look for gram flour that meets FDA rules for being gluten free. Certified gluten free is the best!
Using Gram Flour
There are a lot of breads especially flat breads that can be made from gram/chickpea flour. Check out the links below for a few recipes and ideas.
Take a breath. It is going to be okay. The biggest part of the battle is figuring out what your are dealing with! Now, that you know you are diagnosed, you can empower yourself and gain greater health than you have had in a long time!
While it may not seem like it right now, this is one of the best auto-immune diseases to be diagnosed with. Now, hear me out. . .
There is no medication
There is no medication, which means there are no nasty side-effects. Sometimes with medications the “fix” is worse than the illness.
The disease is stopped through diet.
Many things are reversed through diet. (It does depend on what damage was done while the disease was active and for how long it was active.)
You have a measure of control, because you manage your diet.
There are great resources, but you need to find reliable ones.
Scientist are always looking for a medication, a drug to quickly fix whatever the problem is. There are medications coming. Most of them are to help with being able to enjoy gluten occasionally. The problem is that with the “fix” to be able to eat gluten, it comes at a price of still not being able to absorb vitamins and minerals properly and so patients still end up with malnutrition, if they use the medication regularly. It is not a permanent fix and the medications they are working on are for occasional use.
Malabsorption is one of the biggest problems with celiac disease which leads to other diseases, illnesses and problems.
It’s All About The Diet
Knowledge is power! Understanding the diet and why you want to be strictly gluten free is the key to your health. You have so much in your power and control!
Learn about celiac and have a good understanding of the disease
What recipes do you have that just need a tweak or two to make it gluten free? Changing the noodles to be gluten free, different barbecue sauce or soy sauce, or using gluten free soup. . .
Look for Facebook pages to join: Gluten Intolerance Group and other gluten intolerance, celiac and gluten free groups and pages
Join Pinterest boards to help you find information and recipes: (When I pin something that isn’t straight up gluten free, I always put in the comments, when it is pinned, what substitutes to look for and do.) https://www.pinterest.com/shannonsgrotto/boards/
Find gluten free products you like
You can learn a lot from interacting with those who have celiac and have been gluten free longer than you
Don’t cheat on your gluten free diet, it isn’t worth it
You Can Do This
Take another breath. There is a lot to learn and figure out and you will have trial and error as you begin to live a strictly gluten free lifestyle; which is absolutely necessary for anyone with celiac disease.
Give yourself time to mourn the things you can no longer have. It is hard, especially when you are told this is the change you have to make. Making dietary changes are always easier if it is something you really want to do, rather than being told you have to do it.
I have cried over not being able to order a pizza! This wasn’t possible 14 years ago, when I was first diagnosed. Many places who offer gluten free pizza and French fries aren’t really safe to eat. It sucks!!!! We all hate it, sometimes, and that’s okay. We all want to be “normal”.
What is “normal”
We all miss the days of trying out a new place and the freedom to order anything from the menu. Our new normal is about protecting our health and giving up some of those things.
Think about this for a minute. What is “normal”? The thing that helped me so much was when I was crying about wanting to be normal and it suddenly hit me, “What is “normal”?” Everyone has something, sometime. It may be diabetes, arthritis, severe allergies, anxiety, etc.
How many people do you actually know who don’t have a single health issue with themselves or a family member? Everyone has something!
Then, I realized that this is my “New Normal”. My “normal”, now is asking about gluten free processes and how food is handled, reading labels and making regular changes to recipes I want to make. It took time to get here. Give yourself time. You can cry and be mad, but don’t stay there.
This is long-term. You will get to place where you are absolutely wonderful and handling things really well and then have a rough time again. It is part of dealing with an ongoing auto-immune disease.
This post contains affiliate links. I include these links for your convenience. I earn a small commission for the referral, but your price remains the same.
Motivation
Your motivation is to get a handle on your health now and for the long term! The risks for certain cancers, if you have celiac, are much, much higher if you aren’t strictly gluten free.
The good news is that the risks for these cancers normalize to the same risk as the rest of the population, that doesn’t have celiac, within 5 years of being strictly gluten free!
You have the power to strengthen your gut and potentially avoid more health issues. I wish I could say this worked out for everyone, but it doesn’t. However, you increase your chances of health by being diagnosed early and being strict with your diet.
Medical
I am not a medical professional. Always discuss your medical issues with your doctor and do your own research. The information I am sharing is from 14 years of experience in having diagnosed celiac disease, talking to other celiac patients, reading, talking to medical professionals and from conferences and workshops I have attended.
The recommendation is that all newly diagnosed celiac patients get a dexa-scan. This gives you a baseline that can be referred to from time to time to see how your bones are doing. Osteoporosis and osteopenia are complications of celiac disease.
It is a good idea to find out where your vitamin and mineral levels are, since celiac causes malabsorption often you will be deficient in many areas. Vitamin D is often low in celiac patients. Being low in essential and even trace vitamins and minerals can lead to complications and other health issues.
Auto-immune thyroid diseases and diabetes often go hand in hand with celiac. Being checked regularly for these issues is also a good idea.
Follow up
It is typical to have a dexa-scan every 3-5 years to check on your bone health.
If you are working with your doctor on your vitamin and mineral levels you should work out follow ups with your doctor
Those who continue to have difficulties after going gluten free should have another blood test and possibly another biopsy. If follow up biopsies are necessary it should be after a year of strictly gluten free, unless there are severe issues.
For most people with celiac, a follow up biopsy may not be needed for another 5 or so years.
Get checked for auto-immune thyroid diseases and diabetes (they can show up at anytime and often go along with celiac)
Good luck! You can do this! Better health is right around the corner!
There are difficult people and then there are toxic people. Nothing is more annoying than someone who tells you, how to handle a toxic person in your life in the same way you would a difficult person. They are not the same and you cannot handle them the same way, unless you are interested to being hurt in unending ways!
Not everyone who is difficult is toxic. I believe that there are degrees of difficult that can lead to toxic. Also, I think that some people are more toxic with some people than they are with others. Perhaps this is because you teach people how to treat you by what you are willing to endure.
Difficult people often understand boundaries, toxic people don’t.
Some difficult people’s behavior can have varying degrees of toxicity. Having boundaries with difficult people helps to control the toxicity and allows you to have a relationship.
What you find difficult in people can be different for everyone. Someone might be hard for you to get along with because they just annoy you. They seem to know what bothers you and they do that. The person always seems to know how to push your buttons. Or perhaps, they have a characteristic that reminds you of someone or an experience you had, that was unpleasant and not wanting to be hurt again you put up walls and don’t get a long with that person.
Difficult VS Toxic
There are some crossovers between difficult and toxic people. The biggest difference is how your boundaries are respected and how much they affect your life in a negative way. Any difficult behavior can become toxic if it isn’t kept in check or proper perspective. For example: someone who is flakey is not a reflection of you; it is a reflection of the flakey person. If you are internalizing their flakiness than you allow their behavior to become toxic in your life. If you keep proper perspective, you understand it is merely a reflection of the flakey person and know you cannot count on them because they obviously have their own issues they are dealing with.
Difficult
Gets a long with most people
Rubs some people the wrong way- may not understand or recognize social cues.
Takes over- monopolize, always the center of attention
Complains about everything
Won’t return phone calls, e-mails, text, etc.
Won’t commit to anything
Doesn’t take responsibility
Tells a lot of “white lies”
Tends to say what you want to hear
Ungrateful
Unappreciative
Uncooperative
Insensitive
Upsets people and is over truthful- “I’m just saying the truth” It’s what I see/believe to be true” (If this behavior is frequent it quickly can become toxic.)
Is rude, but thinks it is okay because they said it with a smile on their face (Can easily become toxic)
Say you are oversensitive if you don’t think it is funny
Demanding
Flakey
Inconsistent
Like to see people squirm (button pushers)
Drama
Critical- points out others faults and failings
Doesn’t ever want to hear about your life, but will tell you all about theirs
Meddle
Competitive
Poor communicator
Usually has limits and boundaries and will respect yours
Toxic
Abusive
Controlling
Easily angered
Bully behavior- jokes and demeaning/belittling
Has addictions
Never accepts responsibility (blames everyone else)
Gossips
Negative
They are always the victim (almost always in a crisis)
Narcissistic
Always Right- won’t listen to another point of view
This post contains affiliate links. I include these links for your convenience to be able to find similar items to what I am using. I earn a small commission for the referral, but your price remains the same.
How to deal with difficult people
Boundaries
1st you teach people how to treat you by what you are willing to put up with. If you have no boundaries, you will be walked all over! Without boundaries it is a matter of time before that relationship becomes toxic.
Typically, difficult people don’t want to be difficult. They need to know what the “rules” are and those that are truly your friend will respect those rules.
Boundaries are set by saying things like “I don’t like gossip, let’s talk about something else”, telling them when something isn’t funny, telling them when they have hurt your feelings, telling them what you expect from them, etc.
My experience with my ex-mother-in-law
My husband’s ex-step-mother was a very flakey person. We knew not to count on her for anything! The biggest problem came when she would make promises to my kids and not follow through. I had a frank discussion with her about not telling my kids about “gifts”. If she gave something to them then great but don’t tell them you are going to get them something and then not do it. Also, don’t get them excited about your next visit and keep cancelling on them. This kind of thing colors a kids world in ugly colors of disappointment by the people they should be able to trust and count on.
After our talk she was better about not building the kids up for things she may or may not do. Not perfect, but better. We would have to remind our kids that sometimes grandma has good intentions but things don’t always go the way she has planned.
More strategies
Keep your cool– Don’t allow them to drag you into an argument or into their negativity.
Stay rational and don’t spiral with them– many tend to get more ramped up when they are joined in their behavior whether it be gossip, negativity, complaining, etc. Don’t just agree with them to get them to go away, it doesn’t really help anyone.
Don’t keep quiet – This can be a sin of omission. Quietness often conveys the message that you agree. This encourages them to keep going. If you agree with part explain what you agree with and what you don’t agree with. “I can agree with you about ________, but I disagree about the rest or the way you are going about it.”
Avoid touchy topics– religion, politics or other subjects you know you don’t agree on
Recognize who they are– more importantly, remember who you are and don’t sink to their negative behavior
Boundaries– it’s worth repeating. Tell them you want to be treated better if you are going to be friends.
Give the benefit of the doubt– when possible. Fore example: just because they always complain doesn’t mean they don’t have legitimate concerns or problems. Perhaps complaining is the only thing they know how to do. It’s possible they don’t feel heard and so they keep complaining hoping someone will finally understand.
Listen– like the above, they may not feel heard. Ask questions and do some reflective listening.
Problem solving– No one likes someone to come in and solve their problem, but if you can help lead them to a problem solving way of thinking it can diffuse the difficulties. For example: What can you do? What can you change? What do you have control of? It can help them get a better perspective of the situation.
Just the facts– get down to the facts and away from all the emotions. It often helps them to get a better perspective.
Change the subject, walk away– try to distract them away from their negative behavior. If they keep going give a time limit or . Make sure before you walk away or become blunt that you weren’t encouraging them to keep going: being silent, not asking questions, not listening, joining in the negative talk, etc.
Be polite– I have always told my kids to be kind, but not everyone has to be their best friend.
Stay positive
Have a sense of humor– without cutting down or having other difficult behaviors, humor can help set boundaries or deflect and/or diffuse a negative situation.
Set a time limit with them for how long they can vent to you
Get distance or minimize contact– this is when things are a little caustic and may be turning toxic. It may be that they are going through a lot of difficult things in their own life and don’t know how to handle it. Or they may not be respecting boundaries. Sometimes after a little distance things will improve. You may find that once a month or so you really enjoy being around this person and the distance helps you to better handle the difficulties.
How to deal with Toxic people
Boundaries have always been a difficult thing for me, because I grew up with a mother that did NOT believe in them. With the help of a counselor I set some boundaries, which allowed me to have a good relationship with my mom, for a while.
My mom and I were able to talk more, because I avoided subjects that were difficult. Evidently, this gave her a false sense of security because she thought we could talk about everything. I knew I couldn’t tell her that I was avoiding certain topics, she would simply not understand.
Eventually, I made the mistake of telling her I had set boundaries. This led to her calling me a liar and it didn’t matter that we had been able to have a better relationship than before. Toxic people often do not understand or accept boundaries.
Strategies with toxic people
Boundaries– may or may not work and you have to remain firm. They will push and test those boundaries frequently and resent having boundaries. They may not recognize the boundary. Or like my mom, think boundaries are unnecessary for a relationship. That boundaries somehow stifle a relationship and it is based on a lie.
Your boundary may include you leaving when certain things are said or done. In other words, it may take more actions than words to inforce your boundary.
Minimize interactions with them– in some cases this may need to limit interaction.
Stay with fact based communication– remember that unreasonable people do NOT care about YOUR feelings or perspective
Be kind– you won’t regret being kind, most of the time. Toxic people will often accuse you of being and doing what they are doing. The kindness is for yourself. You will feel better about yourself if you don’t stoop to their level and join in the negativity. However, keep in mind that even when you are kind they will call you unkind. It is part of keeping you off balanced, frustrated, and putting blame on you. Kindness can be firm and truthful without being a doormat.
Don’t drink around them– makes you vulnerable to attacks and takes your guard down
Don’t give a lot of information about yourself– center conversations on them. If they are the type who look for ammunition to use against you next time, the more things center around them in your interactions, the less they have to use against you. (It doesn’t mean that they won’t make something up or exaggerate a small incident that would have meant absolutely nothing to a reasonable person.)
Don’t expect them to be someone they are not or to one day turn into the person you hoped to have in your life
Steer away from “dangerous” topics (boundaries)
Understand that they will never see your point of view and trying to do so will bring you more hurt and frustration-know who they are, they most likely are NOT going to change.
Have something or be somewhere that there are distractions- distractions can help you keep your cool and keep perspective. They can also give you a quick “get away” from topics or discussions that should be avoided. Distractions like: playing with a pet, looking after a toddler (this one worked well for me, until they weren’t so little anymore), helping in the kitchen, playing a game, or have something for them to be involved in (game or a job that needs to be done).
Don’t allow abusive behavior of any kind and don’t fall in to the trap of “normal”– if their normal is abusive and you just blow it off you are allowing them to make you their victim.
Find a counselor– a counselor can help give perspective and help you sort out what is truly “normal” and what isn’t. Many toxic people get into your head and can make it feel muddled and confused. Having a third party can bring clarity, give you tools, and strength to either carry on with the relationship or to escape it.
Cut them off– Sometimes it is necessary to cut ties with toxic people, regardless of what their relationship is to you. If you have been abused by them and the abuse continues, you may only be able to heal by having them out of your life. Is this relationship affecting your life in lots of negative ways? Is all of your energy tied up in this relationship? Does it leave you depressed and without any energy for anything or anyone else in your life? It may be necessary to consider this step.
All who are abusive, are toxic
In my opinion, all who manipulate and lie are toxic. You can’t have a real relationship with people you can’t trust. You can’t have a real relationship with people who don’t respect you.
Find more memes about dealing with difficult people here.
I’ve put together a list of Valentine’s Day gift ideas for the one you love. Something beyond the traditional Valentine’s Day gifts. It can be hard to come up with ideas, especially when you want to get away from all the commercialized hype of the holiday. With that being said, Jewelry is always great!!!!
Heart Felt Love
“What I Love About You”
This book is very personalized as you fill in the blank about how much you care.
“Q & A”
I got this for my husband and I a few years ago and it has been so much fun! This couples journal has a question to answer every day. It has room for 3 years of comments. You can see how much you grow and change together over a 3 year period.
“A Year With You”
This couples journal is only one year, which can be a little easier to keep up on than a 3 year journal. It is also a fill in the blank, which makes it easy especially if you have a hard time finding all the right words.
Kind Notes Keepsake Jar
There are 31 inspirational notes that can be opened every day for a month!
Questions to start conversations
Made especially for couples. Want to talk about something besides work and the kids, this can help jumpstart other conversations.
Tender Love
“Promise”
Included with this figurative sculpture is a card that is inscribed: “Hold dear the promise of love”
“You and Me”
Enclosed with this figurative sculpture is a card inscribed: “”Every day, building on our love”
Teddy Bear
I think I will love Teddy Bears no matter how old I get! He’s so cute with his curly hair and striped heart! (11 inches)
Sweetly Inscribed
“Love you to the moon and back” inscribed on a spoon.
For Him
Personally, I am not a beard lover, though I do appreciate a well manicured beard! My father-in-law has always had a great beard! This set will tame your wild man’s beard. The beard oil softens and moisturizes hair follicles so that it is soft and prevents itch.
Décor
“Love You Madly” Drinking Glasses
These cute glasses have a scene that goes from one glass to the next. They go together like turtle doves!
“From My Heart To Yours” Pillow Cases
This scene goes from His pillow case to Hers. He is softly blowing bubbles towards her but the closer the bubbles get, they turn into hearts. So cute!
“I Love You More” Pillow Cases
Warning: May cause arguments over who should have the “Love you more” pillowcase.
“I Love Sleeping. . . AND You” Pillowcases
A little bit of humor for those who REALLY love to sleep!
Beauty and the Beast Pillowcases
“His Sleeping Beauty” and “Her sexy Beast” pillow cases
“Love Sweet Love” Throw Pillow
This is especially fun if your loved one is into biking.
Personalize It
Monogram Key Holder
You can have the initial of your last name, both your names, as well as the year you were married on this fashionable key holder.
Personalized Cutting Board
You could put your last name or even his/her first name on this bamboo cutting board.
Clothing
Property of . . .
Personalized Hanes boxers for men. A funny gift that has some practical purpose.
Super Hero Couple Aprons
Super Man and Super Woman working together in the kitchen or the backyard barbecue.
Matching King and Queen Sweatshirts
Claim your rightful place with these couple sweatshirts! Reminding your partner just how highly you think of them.
King and Queen Hats
This set is awesome for the outdoor enthusiasts!
Punny
“I’d pick you every time” guitar pick
Funny
“I love you from top to bottom” toilet paper
Kissing Mugs
These cute mugs fit together perfectly and come with matching spoons.
Heart Puzzle
Love can be a puzzle but together you can piece it together.
Pamper Her
Bath Essentials
This cute set comes in a little bathtub and contains: bubble bath, shower gel, bath salts, massage soap, and a bath fizzer.
Heart Shower Curtain
Fun way for him or her to greet the day. However, I recommend doing more than just a shower curtain or there may be some disappointment.
Bath Pillow
Make relaxing in the tub so much easier with a nice quilted bath pillow!
Remote controlled battery powered candles
Candles are my guilty pleasure! I really love candles! I enjoy the battery powered ones because I don’t have to worry about burning down the house! Also, most have timers that can be set to come on as it gets dark! I love them all over the house, but one of my favorite places is around the bath tub and the bedroom!
I hope this list helps you in your quest to show the one you love, how much you care!
When you are gluten free holidays like Valentine’s Day can be a little tricky! Not all chocolates and candy are gluten free. Even ones that are normally gluten free sometimes aren’t when they are made into cute shapes for the holidays. You can check here for gluten free candy choices and what to watch out for!
So, besides candy and sweets, body products also need to be watched for gluten as some people with celiac react to gluten topically. (Like I do) With all of this in mind I put together some Valentines ideas that would be safe for anyone with gluten intolerance or celiac disease.
This post contains affiliate links. I include these links for your convenience to be able to find similar items to what I am using or interested in. I earn a small commission for the referral, but your price remains the same.
Romantic Gluten Free Bathroom
Bath Bombs
Bath bombs, my daughter’s guilty pleasure. They smell so good and help to relax.
Candles
My bathroom has the nice big tub and so my daughter asked if she could use her bath bomb in there. I have candles around my tub and suggested she turn them on when she was soaking. She told me “Mom, knows how to bathe in style!”. Having a remote control makes them easy to use and enjoy! I have ones I have to turn on manually and others with a remote control and timer; I prefer the candles with remotes!!!
Shave Kit for Him
For your clean shaved man.
Beard Grooming Kit
A nice well kept beard is attractive.
His and Her Robes
I always thought this would be so much fun to have his and her robes!
Gluten Free Bedroom
Pillow case fun
These are so much fun!
From My Heart to Yours
The story carries from one pillow case to the next as he blows bubbles that turn into hearts as they get close to her.
“I love You- Love You More”
I have these ones and need to get them on my bed!
“I Love Sleeping and You”
Just stating the things that are important. Kind of like counting your blessings.
“His Sleeping Beauty- Her Sexy Beast”
* There weren’t many left but I thought it was cute and wanted to include it!
Gluten Free Valentines In The Kitchen
A New Cookbook
Danielle Walker’s Against All Grain Celebrations: A Year of Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, and Paleo Recipes for Every Occasion
Kindle Cookbook
This book has gluten free and sugar free recipes for cookies and cakes!
Hot Cocoa Love
Hot Cocoa Love is found on Inktale. (Not an affiliate, but this is one of my daughter’s products that she sells.)
Kissing Mugs
These are so cute! They fit together in a kiss and come with matching spoons.
Cute Valentine’s Day Apron
A Spoon Full of Love
Engraved spoon declaring your love for Mom or Dad. (There are some other options for engravings.)
Personalized Cutting Board
“Everything is better in _______________________ Kitchen” Have your loved ones name inserted onto this cutting board.
Kitchen Tools
Especially, when you are new to going gluten free, kitchen tools are nice to get. Old mixers and equipment may be hiding gluten in knicks, scratches and porous materials. (Such as is used in waffle irons, griddles, non-stick pans, and stones)
New Cookware
Stainless steel is nice, since it isn’t porous and gluten can’t hide in those pores! This is especially helpful if your home isn’t completely gluten free!
Miscellaneous Gluten Free Valentines
“You Will Forever Be My Always”
Picture frame and photo of the two of you.
His and Hers Drawstring Bags
He will always be Mr. Right and she will always be Mrs. Always Right!
Inspirational Valentines Messages
There are 31 inspirational messages and you can always add more of your own little love notes to the jar!
Couples Journal
I love this idea! We got this journal a couple of years ago. I have to admit we have gotten behind in writing in it. We did better the first year and a half! I love to read what his responses are, how we have changed and grown over the past few years and doing this together!
1 Year Couple Journal
This one is a little easier to keep up with considering it is one year. Great questions and fill in spaces.
Tabletopics – couples game
Ever worry about what to talk about or want to deepen your conversations? This has some great conversation starters and topics to discuss. Careful, there are a few that could start some arguments like: “Which of us is the worst backseat driver?”
Couples Art
A fun way to show your love and will last longer than flowers. I love these statues. In my opinion, because they are faceless they help us to put ourselves in their place. We can better envision ourselves in that dance or loving embrace.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Remember the one you love. It is a symbolic day that helps us to remember to take time for one another. It doesn’t have to be all candy and flowers (Though those are nice too!). Here are some ideas for the kids that are gluten free.
Gift Ideas for Newly or Experienced Gluten Free Friends and
Family
It can be overwhelming to go gluten free. There is so much more to being gluten free than just changing your diet. If your family member or friend has been diagnosed with a medical condition like celiac it is important for them to be educated about the disease. There are many things to take into consideration as someone who is newly diagnosed and wanting to regain their health. Of upmost importance is understanding the issues with cross contact and cross contamination.
Cross contact is the reason why there are so many kitchen items on this list!
These gift ideas are great for both the newly diagnosed as well as those who have been gluten free for a long time.
This post contains affiliate links. I include these links for your convenience to be able to find similar items to what I am using. I earn a small commission for the referral, but your price remains the same.
Yummy Treats
1. Gluten Free Licorice!
Licorice contains gluten and it can be hard to find a good gluten free licorice! I recently found Yum Earth gluten free licorice and it has satisfied my yearning for licorice.
2. Pretzels
The best snack foods contain gluten. Snyder’s of Hanover has a gluten free pretzel which will make you think it is too good to be gluten free! These individual packages will last your newly diagnosed family/friend long after Christmas is over.
3. Halfpops
This is a great treat for anyone who is gluten free or not! The whole bag is half popped popcorn and tastily flavored!
4. Gluten Free and Vegan Healthy Care Package
Everything from Lara Bars to Skinny Pop Popcorn!
6. Gourmet Rocky Mountain Popcorn- Gluten free and nut free
Cook Books
7. More From The Gluten Free Gourmet: Delicious Dining Without Wheat
Written by Bette Haggman. I think everyone should have at least 1 Bette Haggman cookbook!
8. Irresistibly Gluten Free
This cookbook was written by Christina Davis and has come to our local support group meetings to speak. This is a cookbook I absolutely love! Her pancake recipe is my favorite and is so light and fluffy! There are so many kid friendly recipes and is a great go to for feeding newly diagnosed kids and picky eaters.
9. Gluten Free Cookbook for Families: Healthy Recipes in 30 Minutes or Less
This is a Pamela Ellgen cookbook. I haven’t tried it, yet. I love the idea of faster, easier recipes because cooking can take a long time, some nights! We don’t always have the time and it is nice to have some quick delicious recipes!
10. Jennifer’s Way Kitchen: Easy Allergen-Free, Anti-Inflammatory Recipes For a Delicious Life
Written by actress Jennifer Esposito who has celiac disease. This book is on my personal wish list as well! Inflammation is the enemy of all auto-immune disease and anti-inflammatory recipes are helpful in healing the gut.
11. Gluten Free On A Shoestring: 125 Easy Recipes for Eating Well on the Cheap
Written by Nicole Hunn. Let’s face it eating healthy, let alone gluten free can be expensive and we could all use some help in how to lessen the expense.
12. Gluten Free Bread Machine Cookbook
“The Bread Lover’s Bread Machine Cookbook: A Master Baker’s 300 Favorite Recipes For Perfect-Every-Time Bread From Every Kind of Machine”
Baking
Scratches and nicks in pans can hold onto the gluten protein. So, it is wise to replace pans and anything that is porous (stoneware and non-stick cooking surfaces) with new pans and appliances. (In some cases it is wise to have two sets or go with non-porous cookware. Especially, if you have a kitchen shared by people who are not gluten free.)
13. Non-stick Bakeware Set
This is great if you are only baking gluten free. Otherwise look for bakeware that is metal and without any coatings.
14. Stoneware
Don’t use old stoneware that has had gluten cooked on it. The porous surface holds the gluten protein and can continue contaminating your food.
15. Pots and Pans
Non-stick or metal pans without a non-stick coating are best. Non-stick pans hold protein in its pores, as do nicks and scratches.
Dishes
16. New Bowls
These need to be replaced if they have nicks and scratches. Also, it is nice to get new bowls and you may need new storage containers with being newly diagnosed.
17. Colander
A new colander is a must! Those little holes are notorious for grabbing on and holding gluten in them. If you have family that isn’t eating gluten free, you may want to consider having two distinguishably different colanders or have one in a different color.
Appliances
18. KitchenAide
For all the home cooking you will be doing! Again, if your old mixer had any nicks or scratches in the bowl or beaters they need to be replaced.
19. KitchenAide Spiralizer
A spiralizer can make cooking fun! There are so many things you can do with this including making your own French fries!
20. KitchenAide Pasta Roller and Cutter
Great for the newly diagnosed that loves to cook! Make your own gluten free pasta!
21. Cuisinart Bread Machine
Making your own gluten free bread is a great way to cut down on gluten free diet expenses!
22. Toaster
The toaster cannot be shared with those who are eating gluten! So, a new toaster is a must! The crumbs float around when heating and it is impossible to get all of the gluten out of a toaster.
23. Blender
A good blender is always good to have, but essential if your old one did things that contain gluten and the blades have nicks and scratches.
24. Convection Oven
These ovens are great, if there is a filter, make sure it is changed frequently.
25. Deep Fryer
Being able to eat fried foods without worrying about cross-contamination makes life a little more enjoyable.
Accessories
26. Baking Spatulas
Many baking spatulas get nicks and scratches and hold onto the gluten protein, causing cross-contamination, even when you have washed them well! Have spatulas in different colors if you have a shared gluten/gluten free cooking.
27. Spatula/Pancake Turner
Same issues as with the baking spatulas, but because of the holes in, gluten can get caught and trapped just like the colander.
Gift Baskets
28. Gluten Free Pasta and Pizza Gift Basket
29. Gluten Free Gourmet Gift Tower
30. Gluten Free Nut and Chocolate Basket
31. Bath Bomb Basket
My daughter is so addicted to bath bombs! They are a fantastic gift!
Apparel
32-35. T-shirts about being gluten free
Miscellaneous
36. Zombie Cajun Hot Sauce
37. Bone Suckin Sauce
Bone Suckin Sauce is gluten free, non-GMO, Dairy free and Kosher. Many of their sauces are also free from HFCS.
38. Individual Bath Bombs
Pick several different kinds of bath bombs (Always check to make sure they are gluten free.) and put together your own basket or stocking stuffers.
39. Gluten Free: The Definitive Resource Guide
By nutrition expert, Shelley Case, RD. A comprehensive and practical guide for eating gluten free.
As summer is coming to a close, it is time to gear up for a new school year. We are an eclectic homeschool family! We look for and use materials that fit into our schedule and what each person wants to learn! We already have a lot of materials and resources but these are the things I would like to add. My wish list for my teen homeschooler.
We take a break from school, so to speak, during the summer. Learning is ALWAYS ongoing but we don’t worry about lessons and assignments during the summer. We try and keep close to the school schedule, because it helps us stay on track and the kids can go do more with their public schooled friends when their breaks are around the same time.
A Few of Our Homeschool Favorites
All of our girls love to draw and so sketch books in several sizes are a must. We have a neighbor who is a very talented graphic artist and he has talked to my girls many times about their art. He told them to draw all the time. He said to find references and practice drawing what you see. All my girls do this and so sketch books in several sizes for each one are good to have around. They have a small book that they take to church (and everywhere for that matter) and bigger ones for more in depth projects at home. We like the spiral bound ones because the pages don’t come loose and it is easier to flip through and see past attempts, projects and how much they have improved!
My sister-in-law gave us this book, one year for Christmas and I love it! I wish we would have had it to read with our older girls! In fact, I loved it so much, I sent one to my daughter who is in college!
I love learning games and this is a fun one that is different, every time! This game teaches about economics (supply and demand), as well as strategy, the goal of the game changes each time you play. It took us a while to figure out the rules but it is quite fun to play.
Settlers has become a family favorite! We have used the robber in the game to talk about communism and how the robber can stop all progress. Rules have been made up, by our family, to make it even more like a communist ruler has taken over and how cards are or aren’t distributed when the robber is in play.
Did I mention I love games?! Boggle is a favorite and my girls are challenged to one day get more words than I do. This post is about other word games we enjoy and materials we use/have used for writing, grammar and reading.
My Homeschool Wish List
It can be expensive to homeschool! I have collected things over the years and every year we add more because each child has some different things they want to learn or learns in a different way.
Books
I also love parenting books! I have some other parenting favorites in this post. Unfortunately, parenting doesn’t come very easy and each kid is different and so books like this are really helpful. After all, we were all raised by first time parents who were going off of what they learned from their parents.
Getting help on how to better manage our family and work together.
This looks like a great book about how we see the world and what limitations we may be putting on ourselves and our kids. When we strive to self improve, our kids will too!
There are so many different ways of doing things and yet we get stuck in a rut and sometimes believe we have to do it the same way everyone else is or we and our kids will fail. I would like to help my daughter get a little further ahead during these high school years. This book is really high on my list, this year! I should just order it!!! (But I have already spent so much money today, I need to wait! Need to get it off of the back burner!)
Shortly after we began homeschooling I got really sick. I wish I would have had the capacity to do more with TJED! However, it is never too late and I believe things can be implemented in a way to work for us!
Ohhh! This would be another fabulous book to have! This youngest daughter of mine has always been a leader and has a take control kind of personality. However, as most teens grow they start to doubt themselves and be less sure of what they can do.
What we want is for our children to grow up and take responsibility for themselves. The teen years are a great time to give them practice in a controlled environment. Education is an individual activity. You can lead a child to the book but you can’t make them learn from it! This is a must have on my homeschool list for this year!
The teen years are a great time to learn time management. It is something I have worried about with some of my older kids as they have gone off to college. However, a resource like this could ease some of that worry.
I read “What Color is Your Parachute?” when I was in college and have talked about this and had some of my older kids read this book too. I am excited to find that there is one geared toward high school students!
Homeschool Writing
Writing is the struggle I am currently having with the youngest daughter! I’m hoping to light a fire under her, help her to see how writing can be an outlet, learn how to express herself and so much more!
One of the thinks I would love for my daughter to do is to start a blog! I think there are so many things she could write about! I have learned so much about my blog; it isn’t just about writing! There is the whole back end side of things with a blog.
Problem Solving, Math and Business
I want this book to see if the methods and tricks in this book would better help in understanding math. I wonder if this would bring a new element to our math studies and help put some perspective and fun into the subject?
I couldn’t find a picture ad to go with this book. It is very intriguing to me with all of the hacking and problems that accompany using the internet. Many companies and self employed opportunities are available online and it is good to know how to protect yourself against these modern day practices.
My daughter loves electronics! This has been on my list for a while and I just ordered it! I will do a review on it after we have used it a bit!
Tackling physics can be daunting. I am strongly considering this for one of our resources this year!
With the meteor showers in August and so many great celestial things to study, a telescope is an awesome tool for learning about the stars and night sky! Many telescopes can be hooked up to a computer or a camera to discover and photograph even more!
Foreign Language
Fun way to learn a new language. We also love using Dual lingo and You Tube!
Projects
I just might have to get this for my husband’s birthday! He and my daughter are always looking for projects to do together. They are currently planning an animatronic project for Halloween.
Games
Fun way to learn about the Constitution of the United States of America.
Great for all ages! Dice can also be used for other activities and games!
A silver lining is the good you can find out of a bad situation. For example: a bad marriage’s silver lining may be the beautiful, wonderful children you have as a result of that marriage. Or, a difficult roommate in college helped you learn to stand up for yourself. A difficult class and unfair teacher made you work harder than you would have otherwise, etc. etc. etc.
It’s not bad to find the silver lining in the situations we encounter through life, in fact, it is a healthy and positive thing to do! However, it may not be your place to find the silver lining for another person or the timing may be wrong.
What is silver lining?
This happens when someone has a problem and is trying to tell another person about it and that person jumps to telling you a silver lining. The person hasn’t listened and doesn’t understand but can see all the good things that you obviously can’t. They feel the need to stop your complaining (as they often see it) and tell you why it is all good and you shouldn’t be upset.
Is there anything more irritating than someone who tells you how you should feel?! Silver lining does just this! It sends the message that you have no right to feel the emotions you are feeling. You have no right to complain, be heard or be understood.
Some people are really quick to silver line and point out all of the good for you.
When silver lining is not helpful
Silver lining is not helpful when you are listening to someone else’s point of view or problem.
They don’t listen to your problem, struggle or emotions you are going through.
Not listening, discounts their experience and results in empathic failure!
Your silver lining may keep them from reaching deeper and finding that silver lining themselves.
Your silver lining may keep them stuck in re-living, justifying, and being negative about the situation because they are struggling for validation and still wanting and needing to be heard!
It isn’t your place to point out the good. You don’t know what has contributed to the situation or the persons past that is affecting today’s emotions and so what you see as good may be more insulting and irritating than helpful!
There are some people who will feel guilty and bad for having a negative thought and not seeing the good right away. By silver lining, you tell them, they need to stuff all those negative emotions and only see the good. People talk about their problems in order to find validation, make sense of a situation, and figure out how to handle negative emotions. Silver lining tells a person to suck it up; something good comes from everything.
When a person knows that someone is going to silver line, they feel like they have to say things in the most dramatic way possible in order for that person to understand the depth of the pain, confusion or hurt they feel.
It makes the person feel more negative because now they have to justify, in their mind, over and over again why they were having a problem. It keeps them stuck longer and adds more emotions to deal with.
They feel like you don’t care, because you didn’t bother to listen. You wanted to solve the problem so they would go away and not bother you any longer. Their feelings/problem doesn’t matter to you.
What is Empathic Failure?
Empathic failure is when a person neglects to show or feel empathy for another person. Everyone does this to some extent, some time. We get wrapped up in our own problems and don’t take time to understand how someone else feels, even when they are telling us how they feel. We jump to the “good” or ignore the problem because we don’t want to deal with their problem or emotions or we are in too big of a hurry to listen.
Silver lining is an empathic failure because it skips over the listening and understanding part.
It leaves the person with the problem and situation feeling empty and unvalidated. It may even make them feel stupid and selfish. In fact, it may start a whole new host of confusing emotions that weren’t part of what they were feeling, before you decided that all the good needed to be pointed out.
This post contains affiliate links. I include these links for your convenience to be able to find similar items to what I am using. I earn a small commission for the referral, but your price remains the same.
“Empathy Failure”
I first learned about empathic failure when I read the book, Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up’s Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina W Brown, Ed.D., L.P.C. I started to recognize that I had a tendency to be less empathetic than I thought I was. I also started to recognize that when I felt unsatisfied or didn’t get the reaction I was hoping for, that it wasn’t me but an empathic failure from someone else.
When I recognize I have had an empathy failure, I say I am sorry, and that I just had an empathy failure and then try and show the appropriate empathy to the person. Sometimes when my husband doesn’t give me the empathy I am looking for I will tell him he is having empathy failure and then we are able to really talk. Our kids picked up on it, too. They have cried empathy failure to one another and to us as parents. It has helped us to understand when and where we are being less empathetic and to teach our children better empathy.
When is silver lining helpful?
When the person has been heard. However, it is often more important for the person to discover the silver lining themselves. You may see something of importance from that situation or problem. Until they discover it themselves it will be missed and won’t connect as deeply as if they discovered the silver lining themselves.
When the person is spiraling. It’s okay to point out a good thing or two, but more important for them to discover the good for themselves. * The person may spiral because they don’t feel they are being heard or understood.
Lead them to the good with the questions you ask. This should only be done after really listening, understanding and showing sympathy. Questions like: “How did that make you feel when they didn’t follow your directions?””What do you think would work next time?”, “What can I do to help?”, ask for more information in order to understand or simply telling them you are sorry they had to go through the situation.
Instead of pointing out the good of the situation, find something positive about how the person handled the situation.
Repeat back the situation, in your own words; to show you understand. For example: “So, every time you reached out to communicate with Richard, he blew you off. He didn’t pay attention or understand the details of what he needed to do? There were mistakes he made that didn’t need to be made had he listened to what you said.” Then you might go on to express how frustrating that is to have people treat you that way.
Silver Lining often does the opposite of what you are trying to accomplish. What people really need is a listening ear and an understanding heart.
This has been a hard post to write about Shakespeare, but not for the reasons you are probably thinking! You see, I love Shakespeare! I love the language and the imagery. I love the metaphors and similes. There is so much to love about Shakespeare and I get so excited and easily distracted into more Shakespeare! I believe it is time for me to read Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet and MacBeth. . . AGAIN!
Romeo and Juliet
The first time we read it was just after I pulled my oldest from public school. She was 11 almost 12 years old. She thought it was boring. . . at first. She loves to draw. So, while she was drawing, I would read Romeo and Juliet. I didn’t think she was always paying attention. Then, she started to get into the language. I often stopped to point out how beautiful the language is, the imagery, and to clarify what was being said and discuss what was happening. Then she started asking me to repeat things and phrases she thought were interesting or funny.
For example:
Act 1 Scene 3
Lady Capulet, “How stands your disposition to be married?”
Juliet, “It is an honour that I dream not of.”
My daughter thought this was hysterical! Mother is asking what do you think about getting married. (Keep in mind that my daughter is close to Juliet’s age.)
Juliet responds with, “As great as marriage is, it’s not something I am even thinking about.” Or “ Ewww! Gross!”
There’s a lot of bantering that goes on throughout Romeo and Juliet that is absolutely wonderful! Try putting the words into how your kids would respond or say things. Or ask them to put it into their own words.
No fear Shakespeare is a great on-line resource to understanding many of the meanings by putting the words from the play next to a modern day translation. (I have another resources for helping to understand what is being said, farther down in the post.) Keep in mind that it is just one way of interpreting the play.
I get so excited and love to explain what is going on that even the dramatic heavy scenes sometimes sound like comedy. However, there is a lot of comedy sprinkled throughout. Shakespeare understands the need for some comedy relief when the scene has such heavy subjects. (Hamlet has my favorite comedy relief moments in a dramatic work.) I kept telling my daughter, “You are laughing but this is really a sad (or dramatic) scene. I’m obviously not reading it quite right.” (I was in theater and most of what I did was comedy. Hmmmm.)
Lovesick Romeo
Here’s a fun quote. Lot’s of expression and imagery.
Romeo: “See how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek!”
Romeo is so love struck that he wishes he were a glove just so he could be that much closer to her! He is jealous that the glove is on her hand and touching her cheek! Wow! You get a real sense of what a love sick, sap he is!
Snape wears tights!
After we finished reading the play we went to the library and rented the DVD (that is how very long ago this was) of Romeo and Juliet by the BBC. The versions they had at our local library were all very clean. Here is a clip of Alan Rickman as Tybalt. There are other clips of him if you do a search. “Romeo and Juliet Alan Rickman”
Alan Rickman plays Tybalt who is killed by Romeo. My daughter thought “Snape” wearing tights for the whole play was funnier than when he was dressed as Nevel Longbottom’s grandmother in Harry Potter!
In the course of watching the movie she kept saying, “This really isn’t a comedy!”
The last time we read it, we watched “West Side Story” after reading it. I have the Leo Di Caprio version of Romeo and Juliet and we will try that one with ClearPlay. Hollywood glorifies all the wrong things and leaves very little to the imagination.
Timeless
Why do the works of Shakespeare last across time? “Romeo and Juliet” shows complicated situations and true emotions. People are the same no matter what time period we live in. We feel love deeply, things can be complicated, misunderstandings happen, grudges form, intolerance and more, all of which translates across time. Shakespeare’s themes are about people and things we all go through and feel.
In Act 3 Scene 11 The nurse and Juliet talk about the death of Tybalt her cousin and how he was killed by Romeo. Poor Juliet is all over the place! She hates him, but she loves him and doesn’t want the nurse to speak badly about her husband. We do this! Especially in our families. We can say negative things about our family members, but no one else had better or we will fight them to the death! (So, to speak.)
Modern Day Romeo and Juliet
To this day “Romeo and Juliet” seeps into all areas of our culture. So, let’s explore a few places we can find the same story today.
This post contains affiliate links. I earn a small commission for the referral, but your price remains the same.
Yes, the language can be difficult and it is almost like a different language. However, there are a lot of helps in learning and understanding Shakespeare. I just got this book, I’m excited to use it soon!
Yes, Romeo and Juliet are a great unit study. Why?
Give it a shot. It can be fun and interesting. There are many versions out there as well as easy to read and for kids versions. It can add a depth dimension to your studies that you don’t get from modern day literature.
There are many resources to help you understand and teach it.
It’s timeless as is evidenced by it being referenced and played out in modern day music, shows and movies.
There’s so much to learn, just from the writing: the poetry, imagery, the metaphors and similes. (One of my daughter’s took English at the high school and her teacher said she had a depth to her writing that you don’t see in most high school students. We read Shakespeare every year since she was in 3rd grade. I believe this is what made an impact.)
Teaches you about people. No matter what age you live in, some things are the same.
Instead of approaching it as something hard to read, approach it like you would a new language. Put it in your own words and explain the scenes in ways your kids can relate to.
Juliet: “My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite.”
Romeo: “Thus with a kiss I die.”
It’s so dramatic!
Quotes that I love because of the imagery
Juliet: “O happy dagger!”
So, many things to discuss here. 1st personification of the dagger. Can a dagger be happy? The irony of happy in her death by said dagger. Killing oneself brings such pain, suffering and sorrow. For her, death keeps her with her love, Romeo and so it is twisted to be happy. Great to have these discussions with budding writers.
Lord Capulet, “O lamentable day!Death lies on her like an untimely frost upon the sweetest flower of all the field.”
Romeo, “O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night like a rich jewel in an Ethiope’s ear; beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear! So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows.”
Juliet, “O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face! Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave? Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical! Dove-feather’d raven! wolvish-ravening lamb!”
Romeo, “Eyes look your last. Arms, take your last embrace. And lips, O you The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss A dateless bargain to engrossing death. Come bitter conduct, come unsavory guide, Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark. Here’s to my love! O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.”
Most famous Quotes:
Juliet, “Romeo. Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo.”
Juliet, “Good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.”
Juliet, ”That which we call a rose, by any other word would smell as sweet.”
Juliet, “My only love sprung from my only hate. Too early seen unknown, and known too late.”
Romeo, “But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?”
Romeo, “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.”
Mercutio, “A plague on both your houses. They’ve made worm’s meat of me.”
Juliet, “Parting is such sweet sorrow.”
Thinking quotes
The Prince, “Where be these enemies? Capulet! Montague! See, what a scourge is laid upon your hate, that heaven finds means to kill your joys with love! And I, for winking at your discords too, have lost a brace of kinsmen. All are punish’ed.”
Humor
Lady Capulet, “How stands your disposition to be married?”
I love that our field trips can happen anywhere, anytime! Dad got to come with this time. Alia is so excited that she has gotten dad into reading a book series that she loves! They had to get two books, so they could read, at the same time!
We have been into this series, from the beginning. Though, I don’t think we knew what we were getting into at the time. We had heard a little about Richard Paul Evans’, new, teen book that was coming out and had a spark of interest. Then one day at Costco, people were starting to line up for a book signing. We decided to go with it and got a signed book for all of our older girls. Much to Alia’s dismay; we didn’t think she would enjoy them yet. Boy, were we wrong.
We have since corrected this injustice and she has her own signed copies of the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and now sixth books of Michael Vey. Our neighbor is good friends with Richard Paul Evans and arranged for her to have the books (that were unsigned), signed by him and she delivered a letter to him that Alia had written about how she is his biggest fan! He also signed her book in Taiwanese.
The Launch Party
The show was great and it was so fun to hear from Richard Paul Evans. It was fun to hear about the fan letters and how broken up everyone is about Wade. He said it was funny because he never thought of Wade as a favorite character. Yet, girls have written him dismayed that he killed of their “boyfriend” and ways that he could bring Wade back into the series. He made it clear that there will never be a “Zombie Wade”! Made us laugh hard!
Today, is a planned reading-a-thon day. How could it be anything else?! Oh, the injustice that she has to take a break and go to Seminary and has a Homeschool teen activity this evening. I love that my kids absolutely love to read and devour books!
My daughter and husband with Richard Paul Evans, the author of Michael Vey!
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